I can look back on any given month now and see that I’ve lived, experienced and accomplished more than I used to in a year. I’ve learned a great deal about how life without struggle can bring a joy that is lasting and unshakeable. I have a great connection to people that are truly alive and support each other to achieve whatever it is they set out to accomplish.
I was born a “gifted” child, but wasn’t very good at it. It seemed that people disliked me or made fun of me because I was smart, and to protect myself I started acting dumb. For several decades, I put on an act of being an average, easy going, funny guy, but I never fit in or felt comfortable in my surroundings.
It didn’t seem that anyone had a clue as to how joy and happiness could be attained. People deluded themselves into thinking that if they just prayed harder, or got that raise, or their candidate got into office, or they could get it on with the person they lusted after, that happiness would follow, but it never did.
I played the game hard and long. I made a lot of money, married the perfect woman, built a world of my own and found that I was more miserable than when I started. I was still putting on an act, not daring to expose my true self. But when the time came for me to act like an old person, I couldn’t do it, because I didn’t feel old and I couldn’t bring myself to sit down, stop moving, put on weight and talk about death and health problems.
I went to a People Unlimited meeting and found a room filled with people who were living their lives as an ever-growing process. Where the mortal world got up every morning knowing they were one day closer to the end, these people rose to greet a new beginning every day. It was exhilarating. Here was a place filled with people who would applaud greatness and be inspired by the greatness of others to do great things themselves.
It took several years for me to get over my insecurities completely and be myself for the first time in my life. For me, it is now truly great to be alive. It’s odd, but when you remove the impending doom of death and old age from your life’s equation, you find that even though you have much more time to do the things you want with your life, there is an urgency to get things done now. I love feeling this way about life.