Today I am feeling the responsibility of being physically immortal is to face the enemy. My enemy is not a threat from without, it is from within, within my very own mind. Today it takes the form of fear. Why you might ask would a physically immortal person feel fear? Why indeed? - I ask myself that all the time. I am angry that I feel fear, I hate to feel pain. It feels so unnecessary, so futile, so PAINFUL!!!! But in reality, along with the negative emotions and the struggle, I feel a surprising mixture of joy and excitement. I might sound crazy, but I am telling the truth. The excitement is because I realize that I am more awake than I have ever been and my discomfort is because I am groaning to be free of something that is holding me back. I must be true to my hunger, it is coming from my immortal body. I have chosen not to die, therefore I must move to throw off an old life so I can live without the worry and stress that take other people down. When I move in spite of the fear that gives me joy, when I don't move I suffer - simple really. Yet it takes a depth of feeling and believing in myself as a physically immortal person that I have the power to design a new me that has never been before.

You have to be awake to go for more in your life, that is very important. I used to be extremely numb. The most fun I had in my life at one time was smoking marijuana to suppress my anxiety enough to feel some joy. Of course, I didn't know I was doing that, I thought I was just playing with my friends. Actually I was postponing having to face myself. The day was inevitably coming when I would have to create a real life, but back then I didn't care. And, I have to say, that whatever pain I still carry with me is the result of many years of suppression, of postponing facing reality. Today I am grateful in the midst of my emotions that I am going to feel stronger on the other side of this, more unshakeable, wise and compassionate with others. Every time I break through barriers in myself I have more to give to the people around me and more heart for living.

I had a dream once about one of my physically immortal people. In the dream I was travelling through his house knocking down cobwebs, cleaning as I went. He was afraid to be in the house, but I had no fear whatsoever and went through it willingly from room to room. I loved this dream because I knew that the house was his body and the reason he was afraid was because all his inherited negativity from his family genetics was there. I however was not intimidated by his genetics and could move to free him. This is how we help each other. This dream reminds me that I have felt fearful all my life, I inherited it from bodies of death. It is no longer my reality, but I could not face my fears and dismiss them without people in my life who care about me completely and want me to live so abundantly free. They remind me all the time who I really am, how capable I am, and how far I have already come. I am so thankful for the beautiful physically immortal man I live with who lifts me up on a daily basis and encourages me to keep moving for the life I desire, convinced that victory is mine. His conviction is my conviction and that is the bond of physically immortal people together, that nothing can defeat us and we can truly rest in one another where there is no fear.